Where do Dragons and Tigers place their priorities?

Dragons and Tigers are most distinguishable in three areas:

·  What motivates them

·  Where they place their priorities

·  What brings them pleasure

Understanding these differences is necessary to creating a foundation for greater Polarity and fulfillment in a relationship. Let me explain.

Priorities: Missions vs. Relationships

In addition to having different motivations (freedom vs. love), Tigers and the Dragons also have completely different priorities in their daily lives. 

Dragons are always on some form of “mission.” The Dragon’s mission might be getting a promotion, winning a gold medal, writing a screenplay, or buying a house. Whatever the mission is, the Dragon believes that through the success of their mission they will be free, and that is their top priority. It might be hard for a Dragon to admit to themselves (and their loved ones), that their missions are more important than their relationships, but they are. It doesn’t mean that a Dragon won’t have relationships or seek out love, it just means that these things are secondary to whatever happens to be their current mission.

After the kids were born, Peter sought freedom from financial stress, and his mission became to ensure financial security for our family by building his business and generating savings. Despite all of the work we did to strengthen our relationship, Peter admitted that he’d be willing to sacrifice it to keep his business. As much as he loved me, providing financially for his children was just more important. Similarly, upon asking whether he would choose love of his children over ensuring their financial needs were met, he answered that he would live without their love if it meant they were secure. He told me that it wasn’t his job to have his children love him at every moment, but rather to protect them. That was his mission.

In direct contrast, a dominant Tiger will put successful personal relationships above all else. The Tiger doesn’t live for a singular “mission,” because Tiger Energy is ethereal and goals can change in an instant based on new information and new relationships. Tigers feel free to change their minds and priorities at will. This doesn’t mean a Tiger won’t have goals—those goals are just secondary to their desire for the love and connection they gain through relationships. 

When I asked myself the same question I had asked Peter—Would I give up my business to maintain his love and the love of our children?—my answer was categorically yes. While I love to have beautiful things, I feel that my daughters would much prefer my time, love, and empathy over anything that money might provide. It is most important to me that I am present with them, play with them, laugh with them, cuddle them, and kiss them endlessly to ensure that they feel my deep love for them. We can always work out the money. 

Once you have an understanding and appreciation of your priorities, you will start to feel less conflicted in your choices. You will be able to live with more honesty and authenticity. There is nothing wrong with prioritizing your mission over your relationships or vice versa. The “right” choice all has to do with your Dominant Energy. 

SIDEBAR: Testing Your Priorities

If you are still unsure whether your priorities indicate your are more Dragon or Tiger, let’s play out this work scenario:

You are working on an important project, and you have a hard and looming deadline. You are in your flow and hyper-focused on the task at hand. You are making great progress. Then your cell phone lights up. It’s your best friend, who has texted you that they have an urgent problem and could you please give them a call to discuss it? They need your help. Do you stop what you are doing and call your friend immediately? Or do you call them in a few hours when you have finished your work?

If you stopped what you were doing, you are most likely a Tiger. Your relationships are your primary driver. Just because you are a Tiger doesn’t mean you can’t be purpose-driven, it just means that your Dominant Energy is more focused on love.

If you decided to call your friend at lunch or after work when you are finished with your current task, you are more likely a Dragon. Your task/purpose is your primary driver. Just because you are predominantly focused on your mission doesn’t mean you don’t value relationships, it just means you don’t value them as much as your mission.

Appreciating your own priorities as well those of your partner can help reduce conflict in your relationship, because you can have a little more empathy for your respective competing interests. If your Dragon is distant, withdrawn, or inattentive, you can experience some level of comfort in understanding that, in all likelihood, this isn’t about you at all. Your Dragon is on a mission, so it’s not that they don’t love you, it’s just that you’re not currently their top priority. 

Similarly, if your Tiger partner is suffocating you with their current wants and needs, just know that in all likelihood, they are not feeling seen and loved by you, and being seen and loved is their reason for existing. The more you ignore them, the more they will jump up and down trying to get your attention. 

Embracing these differences and learning to love the space between you and your partner will help you create more Polarity in your relationship, and thereby more passion . . . which leads us to the third characteristic that distinguishes Tigers from Dragons: their polarized idea of pleasure.

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