Creating Polarity

Here’s a quick (albeit overly simplified) energy summary:

Seeing our contrasting energy traits listed out like this may make it appear as if our energy is binary, when it is anything but binary.

Our energy is fluid, it's moving all the time, and we are all complex beings.

For the purposes of this post, however, I am intentionally oversimplifying our very complex and fluid energy, because to create polarity we need someone in the relationship to be a Dragon and someone needs to be a Tiger, even if just for a few hours or a few days. Only then can you create space and create polarity.

The good news is that most couples are naturally opposed. The bad news is that we tend to get so caught up in our busy energy-neutral lives that we don’t always get a chance to feel the space between us. During the pre-kids decade when Peter and I coexisted in our dual-Dragon life, we would experience glimpses of our potential polarity from time to time, in particular while we were on vacations. I remember on one particular ten-day vacation to Barbados, Peter spent his days reading business books, becoming inspired and motivated with direction and purpose (grounding into his Dragon), while I totally “switched off” and read the romance series Fifty Shades of Grey (relaxing into my Tiger). Within a day or two of reading, drinking, and lying by the pool, we finally felt our conflict melt away. We were drawn to each other once again; we started to make love, talk, and intimately connect; and at the end of the vacation we looked at each other and hoped we could stay in this place, this energy, forever.

Peter turned to me, looked me in the eyes with a little sadness, and said “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this.”

Then we returned to our dual-Dragon lives and disconnected once again.

Of course, it’s easy to sigh and say, “My partner will never change; they’re too set in their ways.” We are all conditioned by small, routine experiences with our partner to believe “this is how they are.” But have you ever seen your partner in a different environment (like on vacation) or around different people (like their work friends) and thought “Wow, you are a completely different person”? Yes they are! Our experience of our partner is only “our” energetic experience. When we inject different energy into our relationship, we all have the ability to behave radically differently, just like Peter and I occasionally experienced on our vacations. And it’s those unknown outcomes that make this process of generating polarity sexy and exciting.

Fortunately, you don’t need to wait for a vacation to find polarity. You can learn how to encourage your partner to go deeper into their Dominant Energy each day. It’s a skill that will serve you well in creating and maintaining that “happy place” where there is more flow, pleasure, and desire in your life.

The tools in the following posts and my book, Feed the Tiger, Free the Dragon, are designed to help you push your partner deeper into their dominance, with or without their participation, so you can experience that “vacation feeling” every day.