Family Dynamics

This week I embarked on a solo pilgrimage to my childhood town in rural Australia to say goodbye to my grandfather.  I guess this feels like a good moment to talk about energy in the context of our family.

Being around family can have an energy-altering effect on many of us. Some deep Dragons become all-feeling, wild, untethered Tigers when they get around their family. Some open Tigers shut down and scale up their Dragon energy as a shield against feeling too much—because staying open can be hard if you don’t feel safe (emotionally or otherwise) around your family. It can be frustrating and confusing to be bumped out of our dominant energy. If there were ever a time we wanted and needed sure footing, it is when we are amidst the chaos of our family dynamic.

If you are like me and you don’t see your family all that often, when you do, they likely won’t see the current, evolved version of you. It is more likely that your family will see a version of you that they built in their mind through many small and consistent experiences during a time when you were living in close proximity—that is, when you were a kid and teenager.

Given how much you have evolved since your teens, their version of you may be a version that you don’t really like or respect; there may even be shame about the person you were yesterday. And while you may be desperate for them to see you as the evolved human you are, interactions can be so brief that it is difficult to provide enough exposure for their perception to substantially change. 

By putting in energy work, over time, you can change how you operate within your family dynamic and how you both perceive and affect your family members—which can lead to a richer family experience, closer relationships, and less trauma. 

You can start by taking a moment to consider each member of your family and their dominant energy: what motivates them, what their priorities are, and the ways they personally derive their job (love/respect, competition/connection, doing/being). By consciously considering each individual we can start to experience our family unit in an entirely different light.

I've dedicated an entire chapter in my new book to family dynamics with some great tools and insights to help you improve your interactions and reactions.