Prioritizing Pleasure
The Feminine Energy (Tigers) are notorious for putting the needs of their family and friends ahead of their own pleasure. The reason is that many Tigers believe that sacrifice and deprivation are how you show people you love them. And while it can be gratifying when such self-sacrifice is acknowledged and appreciated, most of the time it will barely be noticed—which means that most prolonged periods of self-deprivation only end with feelings of resentment and sadness.
But why does it need to be an either/or scenario? You can experience love and joy through caring and nurturing for those you love while also prioritizing your own pleasure. It all comes down to how you frame it.
First, you need to know what actually brings you joy. Can you answer that question? You’ll need to be honest with yourself here. I ultimately had to ignore my Dragon Training (Masculine Energy) to finally admit that I found pleasure in cooking dinner for my family. Don’t get me wrong, some days it is an absolute grind (particularly when a little picky eater refuses to taste my meal), but there is something I find extremely pleasurable about making a delicious, nourishing meal for my family. Yet to find the pleasure in the act of cooking dinner, I had to let go of my outdated feminist ideals that I “would never slave away in the kitchen for a man.” My old brain training was getting in the way of my pleasure.
Be honest: If nurturing others brings you pleasure, feel that pleasure. If it doesn’t, then do what you can to get it done as quickly as possible (or outsource it to someone else if you can) so you can move on and make room for the things that do bring you pleasure.
While they may not want to admit it, many Tigers subconsciously prioritize the pleasure of others because it is often easier than feeling their own pleasure. Prioritizing pleasure is not something our purpose-driven society teaches Tigers to do, so we don’t really know where to start. If you were to ask a Tiger “What will make you happy?” most will struggle to give an honest and accurate answer. Tigers will likely approach the problem before them in the manner in which they approach all problems: They will make it bigger.
A Tiger may think “I’ll be happy when I’m seen and loved for my beautiful, perfectly finished home, my curated cleaned-out closet, my ability to play an instrument, my fluent French . . .” Tigers swell their challenge for pleasure to the point that they make it unattainable for themselves, which makes focusing on and delivering other people’s pleasure easier. Tigers can then blame those around them for their unhappiness and hide behind the demands of their partner, family, job, and friends. But believe you me, other people don’t want that. They don’t want to be the reason you are unhappy.
How many times have you heard your partner say, “I just want you to be happy.” It can be hard to trust that sentiment, but your Dragon really does want to see you happy and filled with pleasure. Everyone does, but no one more than your Dragon. The Dragon wants to see you smile, shine, dance, laugh, and even scream with delight—that’s the energy that the Dragon craves.
Start to find the things in life that bring you pleasure and work on including them every day. They don’t need to be huge. If you’re having trouble coming up with things that seem feasible, try journaling a list of what brings you joy. “Feel” into this activity, don’t “think” about it. Feel your heart swelling with joy as you write down something that deeply pleases you. You will likely be surprised at how short, modest, and attainable your true pleasures are. A perfectly flavored scoop of ice cream, a smooch with the dog, a meaningful conversation with a friend, a good night’s sleep, or even a good cup of coffee can all work. OK, so maybe you also have Burning Man or the Soccer World Cup on your list, but for the most part it will be life’s beautiful moments that give you pleasure. The only thing between you and your pleasure is your state of mind, prioritization, and acknowledgment of the moments. Finding our pleasure isn’t nearly as complicated as we make it out to be.